Because it Needs to be Said!

The (very) Inappropriate Conversation

 I eat out frequently and sit in rather close proximity enough to other diners to occasionally pick up bits and pieces of their conversations. I may or may not be eavesdropping, but more or less I overhear things because, you, inappropriate diner are just that... inappropriate, and...loud. So, Sunday morning we're sitting at Doughboys (not a good place for kids at all), enjoying a great cup of coffee in those cool Doughboys mugs (that I want to jack) and I see this moron dart across 3rd Street in and out of traffic holding what appears to be about a four year old girl. "Idiot," I say to nobody because my husband was on a business call. I watch as said "idiot" walks up to the host at Doughboys and gets seated at the vacant table conveniently located right next to us. At first I think she looks like Sandra Bullock, but quickly change my mind. It was the Ray-Bans, it was the Ray-Bans. She and the girl sit down and she immediately starts reading the entire menu to the four year old. I'm telling you, the kid could care less about steel-cut oatmeal or homemade muesli. Anyway, Mom orders totally disregarding the kid's preference and engages in the following conversation:

 

Mom: So Olivia, Do you think we should look for a new Daddy since the old one just got remarried?

 

Olivia: I don't know Mommy. I like the old one.

 

Mom: Well, maybe Mommy needs to cut her hair to find a new Daddy.

 

Olivia: Can we have four new daddies?

 

Mom: Maybe we can find a bald daddy.

 

Mom: Olivia, When we go to New York we are going to see Wicked. Do you remember Wicked? It's the play with the witches?

 

Olivia: Oh I think I remember.

 

Mom: Oh, here. Let me play the entire sountrack for you on my iphone. You can sing along with it.

 

Olivia: In the restaurant?

 

Mom: Yes we're outside.

 

Me:

Really? She's blasting Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth while I'm trying to eat smoked salmon? What's next, Frozen?

 

Olivia: (whining)

Where is our food? I'm hungry.

 

Mom:

It's coming. What did you do at daddy's house? You are so lucky that you get to live with me all of the time.

 

Food arrives.

 

Olivia:

 

I'm not eating that. I hate that.

 

Mom:

 

You love this. Look I got you pancakes too.

 

Olivia:

 

I hate that and I hate pancakes.(starts to hysterically cry and scream)

 

Me:

 

I hate both of you.

 

Ron:

 

We're getting the Red Velvet cake to go. I am done listening to this.    

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