Yesterday Murphy the Doodle and I made the pilgrimage to Silver Lake for one reason and one reason only: Courage Bagels. Two words. That’s it. That’s the mission.

Naturally, LA made me earn it. Forty minutes in mid-morning traffic, three laps around the block looking for parking—fine. But then I turn onto a street literally named “Normal,” and let me tell you: nothing normal was happening here. Just vintage LA chaos—narrow roads, cars parked both sides, and of course it’s trash day. It’s like urban CrossFit.

Cue a standoff with a minivan mom who clearly had somewhere Very Important to be. We exchanged the universal LA traffic salute: I politely raised my hand, she flipped me off. Ah yes, the city of dreams.

But from there? Pure bliss. We queued up, ordered like regulars, and pretended we didn’t care about the prices. Options included:

• Roe! Wild Alaskan salmon roe with cream cheese, dill, onion — $26 (I’ll let you process that)
• Cream Cheese Tomato — lemon, salt, pepper, olive oil
• Run It Thru The Garden — basically every vegetable that has ever seen a bagel

I went for the classic: Hand-Sliced Smoked Salmon with cream cheese, tomato, onion, capers, dill, pepper, olive oil, and lemon. It was, and I say this with great culinary authority, possibly the best lox-and-schmear situation of my life. Expensive? Absolutely. Worth it? Possibly illegal.

Bagel flavors read like a Jewish omakase: sea salt, sesame, burnt everything (a personal favorite and the correct choice), poppy, plain, onion. Schmears are plain, onion, and cashew for the West Coast wellness crowd. They’ll even sell you bagels to “rip and dip” for eight bucks, because authenticity comes with a cover charge.

Drinks are their own novella—coffee, cappuccino, latte, Americano, espresso, iced coffee, and something called a vanilla paste latte-like dessert and moral weakness in one cup.

Will I return? Absolutely. Immediately. Just as soon as I rob a bank or take out a small loan.